Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)

TITLE: Caleb's Voice
By Joanna Stricker
05/10/10


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

His big sister had had enough.

“Caleb! It’s impossible to work on my speech with you looking over my shoulder!”

“I want to help,” Caleb said, but she wasn’t listening.

“Go outside and play. It’s beautiful out!” Shannon shooed him through the back door, across the porch and into the yard.

“But…” It was too late, the wood-framed screen door bounced shut as Shannon headed back inside. Caleb hung his head and scuffed his shoe in the dirt. No one listened to him.

Yesterday, the school librarian had scolded, “What? Speak up, boy! I can’t hear you!”

Caleb became so flustered he forgot what he’d been sent for. He returned to class, empty-handed.

Then he’d gotten his assignment back, Miss Finn had given it an ‘F’. It was supposed to be about his summer. He hadn’t been able to remember anything he’d done so he’d written about what his brother, Todd, had done. Todd could do exciting things, things Caleb was too young to do.

He would have to rewrite the paper.

“Caleb,” Miss Finn said. Glasses slid down her nose and she peered over them, “You need to find your voice, not anyone else’s.”

He’d been thinking about her comment ever since—when the school bully had ripped up his math homework, and when his big brother, Tim, said it was Caleb’s turn to wash dishes—it was the third week in a row…Caleb hadn’t found the words to argue effectively. Tim, like Todd, always knew what to say.

Caleb was suddenly angry. No one ever listened to him! He picked up his foot and was about to stomp a beetle when he heard a scream. It sounded far away…but close too…what in the world?

“Ahhhh! I’m going to die! Ahhhh!” Caleb looked around, foot still midair.

“What? Who’s there?” Caleb said, or tried to say, but his voice was totally gone! Not one sound came out. He heard the voice again, it sobbed.

“Ohhhhh! He’s going to kkkill me! Help! He’s going to squish me!”

No, it couldn’t be…was it? Caleb lowered his foot as the beetle scurried down a little hole. He could hear every movement the bug made! Caleb eyed the beetle home.

The bug was talking to himself.

“Lucky bug! Lucky you! Back to work, now. Make den before winter!”

Caleb could hear every word—clear as a bell, and dirt shifting inside the hole.

An airy voice sing-songed, “Oh, Oh, Oh! Another flower, so pretty, with nectar for me!”

Caleb stared—it was a butterfly hovering over a dandelion!

“Bzzzz, bzzzz, pollen for the queen, the queen!” said the bee that swooped by Caleb’s ear.

A faint voice cried, “Stop, oh, please stop…” Caleb looked around and spied a large spider with a foot on the neck of a little sow bug.

“And why should I stop?” boomed the spider’s voice. Caleb had to lean in to hear the faint voice of the sow bug.

“I…I don’t taste good, and I’m really quite small…”

“Ha!” the spider ridiculed, “You are stupid, you are!”

“I am,” the sow bug sobbed, “but don’t you see…”

“I’m going to eat you now,” the spider rudely interrupted in a bored tone.

The sow bug suddenly shouted—not as loud as a spider’s yell but loud for a sow bug, “Grasshoppers! And…crickets! They are quite tasty! Tastier than me!”

“Indeed,” replied the spider thoughtfully, “but I have caught thee!”

“But there’s a…a…” As if on cue, from the yard came the screech of cricket legs rubbing together, “…cricket over that hill!” exclaimed the sow bug.

“Hmmm, maybe I should go see… ” mused the spider.

Then came the moment the sow bug had been waiting for, the spider lifted his leg to scratch his chin.

Snap! As soon as his neck was free from the spider’s foot, the sow bug curled into a little armored ball.

“Oh,” The spider sighed when he saw the bug’s protective shell, “guess I’ll go over that hill—just to see.”

Caleb could hear the sow bug laughing inside his shell, but the sound faded rapidly.

“Caleb,” Shannon was back, “I’m sorry you couldn’t help, but I had to find my own style.”

Caleb nodded his head slowly, thinking.

“I understand.” Caleb said, “Shannon? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did we go fishing in June or July?”

As they walked inside, Shannon talked; and Caleb realized…he had found his own voice, and it was his responsibility to not let anyone drown it out.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 503 times
Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp 05/13/10
So like this. Very creative and very cute! Your dialogue was excellent in this newbies eyes!
Sara Harricharan 05/13/10
Ah, Caleb! So hard to find one's true voice and the advice to "listen to your heart" doesn't always make sense for the younger ones. I loved this little snippet of reality--and the talking bugs were cute!
veronica cressey 05/14/10
You really caught me by surprise when you introduced the insects. There was I, feeling so sorry for Caleb as he was going through a tough time and then, POW!
A beetle spoke!
Very creative piece. Thank you. I really enjoyed it.
Mildred Sheldon05/16/10
You may be a newbie but not for long. This was so well written and I loved the twist. Talking bugs. Loved this so much.
Marijo Phelps05/17/10
Enjoyed reading your little guys and their voices!
Caitlyn Meissner05/17/10
I had a lot of fun reading this piece. You may Caleb very easy to identify with, and the talking bugs were great. :)
Maria Egilsson 05/17/10
Joanna, I think youngsters would love this story. I can just see the illustrations that would go along with it. Creative, well done.
Lyn Churchyard05/18/10
This was very creative, everyone critiquing Caleb not only as a writer but also a person. Bringing the tiny creatures into the story was a great way for Caleb to find his voice! Well done, I enjoyed this entry very much.
Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse05/21/10
This was so cute! You had me laughing out loud, picturing these tiny little bugs going about their lives. So creative. Great work. Look forward to seeing you advance through the levels. I'm sure you will!