The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/12/05
Well written. How very difficult to experience these life-changing events in lives. We all must let go and say
goodbye. You did it well.
09/12/05
I'd really like to see this expanded, to see more of the contrast between the two surviving brothers. Substitute "eagerly" for "anxiously". A very touching and hopeful ending.
09/13/05
Yes, expanding it would be a good idea - as well as showing me how this is affecting me instead of just telling me.
Easy to read, good plotline - so well done!
09/14/05
Good writing! Held my interest the whole time, even though I knew the ending.
09/14/05
Concise...compact...says it all with no loose ends...every word meaningful. Well done!
09/14/05
this could have been entered at the next level of writing challenge! It held my interest throughout.
Well-crafted. Would have also liked to have seen the contrast between the two surviving brothers more fully developed. Thanks for sharing.
09/16/05
You have the bones of a really gripping story here. Even though it's only a short story spend time developing your characters. All the information you discover probably won't come out in a story but some of it will and that will enrich it for the reader and help us engage more in your story. Imagine you are there. What do you see? What do you want us to see? Keep working on developing your craft. It's worth it! Yeggy
09/17/05
Well done! I echo the above comments regarding expansion. For instance, you tell us that the brothers were "gripped in fear" and "stood motionless", as their brother sunk to his death. Show the reader. Bring us there with them. Let us see into the heart of your characters as well. Love the creative idea for the topic.
09/17/05
A tragic story with some hope, nicely told.
09/18/05
Nice emotion worked into this. Good job! Some powerful, and hopeful, writing.
09/21/05
Brandi, I thought this was a very good entry and you rated quite well with the Level 1 judges. Keep rising to the Challenge and I know we'll see you go from strength to strength. With love, Deb