The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/07/10
I like the title and the little twist at the end--well done!

I think past tense would work better than present in this story--try it and see if you notice a difference (present tense works better for first-person narratives with a more introspective feel). And the "manuscript" tie-in was pretty slight; may not be entirely on topic.

Your two main characters were really well written and compelling.
I had some difficulty following the sequence of events, but the scripure at the end did a good job of tying the story together. I'm grateful for the Christian law enforcement officers who care and take the time to do above and beyond the 'call of duty'.
Thank you for a compelling story. Good Christian police officers can and do make a difference in errant childrens lives. Keep writing and God bless.