The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/07/10
This is a clever approach to the topic word.

There were some errors in writing mechanics, and praticularly in tense--consider using past tense in a narrative such as this one.

I liked the little glimpse into Moses' family.
Enjoyed your twist of modern day vocabulary along with personalizing Moses and his family. Moses is perhaps my favorite biblical character so was very drawn into this.
Great story idea. Felt original and kept my interest. Dialogue: be sure not to make the character's turn into talking puppets giving loads of information. Use dialogue mainly to flesh a characters attitudes,nuances, etc..
Keep writng. There is no better family that cares!
I loved your approach to the challenge. This held my interest and I love how you showed Moses through the eyes of his family. Thank you and God bless.
I enjoyed perspective you gave this story in the way you made the family life--so normal. It made it easier to relate. One thing, you may want to check your 'doses" as opposed to 'does'. 'Dose' has a meaning such as, to 'dose' someone with medicine or give them a dose of cough syrup. 'Does' which is what was intended, has a meaning 'to do' something. I think my favorite part was the conversation between Miriam and Moses--they sound so typical of a brother-sister conversation. Changed my perspective :-). Good job.
05/11/10
"God's Manuscript" written with His hand. (what a thought!) I enjoyed your story of Moses' family. You've brought them to life here.