The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/07/10
This is a clever approach to the topic word.

There were some errors in writing mechanics, and praticularly in tense--consider using past tense in a narrative such as this one.

I liked the little glimpse into Moses' family.
05/07/10
Enjoyed your twist of modern day vocabulary along with personalizing Moses and his family. Moses is perhaps my favorite biblical character so was very drawn into this.
05/07/10
Great story idea. Felt original and kept my interest. Dialogue: be sure not to make the character's turn into talking puppets giving loads of information. Use dialogue mainly to flesh a characters attitudes,nuances, etc..
Keep writng. There is no better family that cares!
05/08/10
I loved your approach to the challenge. This held my interest and I love how you showed Moses through the eyes of his family. Thank you and God bless.
05/08/10
I enjoyed perspective you gave this story in the way you made the family life--so normal. It made it easier to relate. One thing, you may want to check your 'doses" as opposed to 'does'. 'Dose' has a meaning such as, to 'dose' someone with medicine or give them a dose of cough syrup. 'Does' which is what was intended, has a meaning 'to do' something. I think my favorite part was the conversation between Miriam and Moses--they sound so typical of a brother-sister conversation. Changed my perspective :-). Good job.
05/11/10
"God's Manuscript" written with His hand. (what a thought!) I enjoyed your story of Moses' family. You've brought them to life here.