The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I have some suggestions:

1. Skill was overused as a word

2. Maybe using point form/list may have eliminated some of the "wordiness".

I'm a "newbie" so this may not be a good suggestion. However, as a reader, it would have helped me keep focused on the comparisons.

It was very good.
You really say quite a bit in the limited word count. I can tell you believe what you are saying. It's nice to see that it comes from your heart.

I did get a bit distracted by the overuse of the word skill. A general rule is try not to use the same word more than 2 or 3 times in the span of a page or two. Here are a few examples you could have used instead- craft, talent, ability,artistry, trade, knack, competence,and adroitness just to name a few.

However, don't let that discourage you. It was a well-written essay that brought your reader into your thoughts. Keep up the good work!
Yes, writing takes practice. The more we writer, the better it becomes. Keep writing!
You make very valid points here!

I just found it a bit dry--not sure what would liven it up. Maybe some personal anecdotes, or some humor?

I'd love to have to stop by the forums (link at the top of this page) and visit my "Writing Basics" class for beginners and intermediates. Your contributions would be very valuable.

The thought put into your entry is very apparent, and it's well-organized and presented.