The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/30/10
Wow! We take so much for granted. It humbles me to think of someone like this struggling to have their voice heard. You did a great job showing the effort.
Thank you for writing this.
This is beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye.

The last sentence felt a little awkward maybe just a simple re-wording like - This was their routine on most days....might help it to flow better.

You did an excellent job with a difficult dialogue. You also made a great connection with the reader, pulling me into the story. Keep on writing!
05/01/10
I liked the dialogue and felt the connection as Shann said.

I'm just a beginner myself, so not sure if it's just me, but one thing I noticed was this sentence - I may have Cerebral Palsy which makes it difficult for me to physically write or speak.

I remember seeing in one of Jan's classes in the forum - talk about in a regular conversation to make it real and not try to describe too much and to try to let the reader figure things out.. etc..

So between him and his assistant, would that statement actually need to be said. Plus it was mentioned in the next paragraph that he had cerebral palsy.

Just a thought, but I enjoyed the story, Thanks!
Refreshingly different and eye opening. The assistant's patience and the disadvantaged bosses fortitude are impressively touching. Thought you did a very good job with the dialogue also.
05/03/10
You did a good job of portraying both the difficulty of speaking with CP, and your writer's own inner struggles.

There was at least one place where you switched from present tense to past, and I noticed a few punctuation problems.

This was a very creative way to address the topic.
The story-line makes for an interesting read. Well done.