The Official Writing Challenge
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Gripping and informative story. I am stunned at the treatment of these coal mine workers and am assuming this is a true story.

I felt vindicated for the workers with your satisfying ending.
04/16/10
Nicely written. You are a master of description and setting. I could feel the cold of winter, and the gloom of both the season and Zora's frustrations. And what a magnificent triumph for the pen in the end! I really liked this piece.

I have only a couple minor suggestions. In the first paragraph (after 'thunk'), I was thrown off by the words 'opened it'. Without reading the next sentence, I couldn't tell if he opened the newspaper or the door.

Somewhere in the middle, the phrase 'forced into the depths.' seemed to end too quickly for me. Into the depths of what?

I loved the story, and I'm impressed with the way you tied into the challenge subject. I also enjoyed the second 'thunk!' toward the end, which seemed to wrap the piece together, like a bundle.
This is a great story. You proved your point very well.

The only suggestion I can give is in the middle you used the word he too much. It became a little distracting, but that can be fixed easily.

Your message came through loud and clear. I could feel the emotion of the MC like he was in the same room with me. Great story.
04/19/10
Good use of the topic!

I needed something to establish the setting--time and place--of this story. The second newspaper headline in particular confused me, as modern newspapers wouldn't use such emotionally loaded words in a headline.

This is very topical, and has some strong writing.
04/21/10
Your story evoked emotions with the cruelty of the owner of the mines toward the workers. The ending was very welcome! (my Great-Grandfather, a coal-miner, also died from black lung.)
Other than the few corrections already suggested, I can only say this is a very good level 1 entry. Keep writing-you have creativity and talent.

05/22/10
Great job Daniel! Keep writing,you have real talent and need to use it for God's glory.