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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Pen is Mightier than the Sword (04/08/10)

TITLE: The power of small words
By pamela ewell
04/13/10


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He sat on a deserted part of the beach letting the waves gently come up and cover his feet. He had made his mind up. He had went over every possible option and had come to only one conclusion, death was the only way out of this joke he called his life.
He was only 25 years old and had went up on the corporate ladder quickly, and down faster. People admired him, his expertise in getting the right people together and getting the deals made. But within a matter of a couple of months he had lost everything, his job, his money, his fiance, and now he was ready to lose his life.
She had told him she could not stand the thought of being married to a "has been", a loser who blew his chance to be famous and rich over something as simple as being honest. They had asked him to lie to his stockholders to encourage him to push for a merger that would have cost the people who trusted him their life savings. He couldn't do it. These people reminded him of the people in his small home town. The neighbors that he had grown up with, the kind people who had helped his mom raise him when his dad died. So he couldn't do it. And now he had nothing left. No friends, no family, nothing. He had written a short simple suicide note and placed it in his pants pocket. He imagined that if they didn't find his body quickly it would be ruined due to the waves coming farther and farther up his pants legs. The cold wet sand felt good between his bare toes and reminded him of summers spent at the lake with his friends back home.
The sunlight made the blade of the knife sparkle in his hand. He had made sure it was good and sharp so that there would be no mistakes. A clean quick death is what he wanted to end his miserable life.He thought about how it hadn't always been this way and how he could have ended up here on this beach. The waves felt a little cold now as they were seeping up past his knees to the pockets in his pants. Almost time now. He went over every detail in his head. He had sold his belongings, sent the money to the local shelter. He had turned off all the utilities at his apartment and canceled his mail and paper. He had written the note that was now getting wet in his pocket. Oh, there was one more thing, he wanted to read a psalm before he died and say a prayer. He pulled out the small pocket Bible from his pocket. It was soaking wet and the pages were all stuck together. "Oh Great! I can't even do this right!" He looked up to the sky to say his last prayer, "God why am I a failure, why did all this happen, who is going to care, who is going to save me, I guess it doesnt matter cause after all who can even say they love me."
He put the knife to his throat and started to cut but his hand was shaking so. It must be the cold water he thought cause I must do this,afterall who cares. There is no one who loves me. He started to cry. The pain of the past few months pouring out. He found himself screaming out loud knowing no one could hear, "Who will say they love me!!" The Bible fell off his knee open on the sand. The pages were soaked and blurred, but as he picked it up two words written in red showed up totally clear, unblurred by the sand or the waves. They simply said, "I AM"


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This article has been read 376 times
Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp 04/15/10
This is a wonderful and gripping story. Your use of the topic, also good. I was on the edge of my seat...literally.

I really like the simplicity and yet the power of...I AM.

Your story will touch many who have been in the MC's shoes. You did a great job voicing what all of us feels as some time or another in moments of despair.

Remember to double space paragraphs for easier reading :)
E.J. Swanson04/16/10
Wow. There are no greater "little" words than I AM! Very powerful.
angelos2 wark04/16/10
A great reminder of God's infinite Love.
In our deepest moments of despair, he makes himself Known.
When the heart cries out, " Who is this God who cares?" He answers I AM!
Thanks for a wonderful reminder.
Jan Ackerson 04/17/10
This is moving and powerful.

I think your story would have a stronger impact if it were divided into separate, smaller paragraphs, and if we got to know your character better though dialog and action...in other words, more show, less tell.

Love the resolution--beautifully done.
Lisa Johnson 04/17/10
If Jan likes your stuff...you have just received a great compliment. Jan is one of FW's primo writers, and teaches some great classes for beginners to sharpen their skills. Congrats on a great story.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/18/10
This is an absolutely stunning story! So powerful.

I must admit, I almost didn't read it as I scrolled down I saw the huge block of words and felt overwhelmed. Breaking it into several paragraphs and giving the reader white space would easily fix that.

This is story that definitely shouldn't be missed. I'm so grateful I kept reading. I think many people have felt that frustration, feeling like a nothing can be done right. You described the anguish beautifully.
Lisa Johnson 04/22/10
Congratulations on third place on your level!