The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 641 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/04/10
A darling story. That could be used as my most embarrasing moment! Good job!
03/04/10
Funny story with great dialogue. I could picture the embarrassed teenager and the unsympathetic friend.

I wasn't sure why you opened it with a bit of moralizing. I think the story could stand on it's own. You communicated the message well.
This is so cute and I lived that experience with you! Also some old "teenage memories" of my own. Good Job at painting a vivid background with all of it, especially the steam.
03/05/10
I'm blushing just imagining this!

I think maybe you went on a bit too long--the kicker should have been when the door finally opened with Dave on the other side.

I enjoyed visualizing this scene--a fun, lighthearted morning read.
03/05/10
My suggestion would be that you cut the first two paragraphs and get straight into your story. This is clearly where your strength.