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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)

TITLE: Eek a mouse! (For the very first time.)
By Mark Kinsman
03/03/10


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“I do not understand was has happened?”
Wept the confused and frightened field mouse
“This magnificent garden was perfect.
It was a peaceful and wonderful house!”

So often he rode on the elephants back
His bed was the lion’s great mane
He’d spent many hours on the wing of the hawk
His play mates the eagle and crane.

He’d sit on rock ledges looking down at the meadows
Where the tigers would romp with the sheep
Wondrous plant life would sway and dance in the breeze
Four rivers flowed clean, wide and deep

In harmony as one were all creatures
The songbirds would whistle day long
While all nature rested, the moon would shine bright
The mouse sat with the owl as he crooned his night song

The keepers were not like the others
Fore they walked on two legs, upright and tall
And at times the mouse heard them talking
With the one who created them all.

The one keeper’s name it was a man Adam
And his helper a woman called Eve
They would laugh as the mouse scurried round them
Then nestle beside them to sleep in a soft bed of leaves.

One day as the mouse strolled
Through orchards serene
He spotted a creature
One he had not before seen
It was strange, it was different
A captivating sight
The mouse thought about this creature, quite often that night

In the midst of the Orchard
Full of fruits ripe and sweet
Stood the one special tree,
Of which no one could eat.

The Creator had told this
To the man and his mate
DO NOT eat of it’s fruit
Or beware of your fate!

The mouse sat beneath a flower
Near the ONE TREE that bright sunny morn
As the Strange Creature told the Women
“Your God is a God full of scorn!”

“He wants to rule both of you
And all that you do
If you eat of that fruit
You can be a God too!”

The mouse seen in Eve’s eyes
A far away look
As she whispered to Adam
And of the fruit they partook

The mouse watched as suddenly
The women looked at the man
He looked back at her
In different directions they ran

They hid in the bushes
Trembling and shaking
As the mouse felt a presence
As if something had awakened

The mouse ran to the women
She was his friend in need of help
She looked at the mouse wide eyed
And let out a yelp

She screamed a great scream
And she hollered out eek!
As the man threw stones at him
It was shelter the mouse did seek

He ran to the cliffs
Staring at the meadow in dread
The once peaceful valley
Now glistened blood red


The tigers were clawing and eating the sheep
While the lions attacked herds of deer.
A weird awful feeling came over the mouse
A sensation of darkness and fear

His friend the great hawk
Roared down from the sky
As his sharp talons shone in the sun
The hawk screeched an evil cry as he dove towards the mouse
Who ran just as fast as he could run!

“I do not understand what has happened!”
Cried the terrified little field mouse
“This magnificent garden was perfect.
It was a peaceful and wonderful house!”


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This article has been read 232 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mark Kinsman03/04/10
The 4th word in first line is WHAT not "was" sorry, need to proof read better
Verna Mull03/04/10
Yes, I see the error, but the poem is great. Brings a lot of new thoughts to mind. Good job!
Verna Mull03/04/10
As I think on this, I really don't think this happened until after the flood, as I believe the animals ate vegetation until after that time. It still shows what sin does to people and everything that they touch.
Jan Ackerson 03/05/10
Clever title and concept.

I found this bumpy in terms of meter--and take care not to comment on your own entry until after judging is done, lest the judges accidently see your name there.

I never would have thought of the very first 'eek', and you did a nice job with this.
Allen Stark03/05/10
I do agree with some of the previous comments, however I loved it and see it as a piece to be used when talking to children about the "Fall."
Donna Wolther03/06/10
I rarely think of who else might have been there when I read the Bible,and what they might have felt. This gives me fresh insight into how the sin of man might have affected all creation. Something to ponder. Thank you.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/08/10
This is a great and unique POV. I was sure you were headed for Noah and was pleasantly surprised with the journey you took me on. Good job.