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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Shhh. (02/18/10)

TITLE: Valleys
By carissa hibbert
02/22/10


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02/19/10
Valleys
The Mountain stood immeasurable against what should be paradise, its sandy shore as deep black as the night sky. Green trees dotted the superior giant its height immeasurable; she knew her purpose was to make it to the other side. She looked and listened for signs of life on this side of the mountainous island; no voices could be heard no sign of human life but her own. Black sand slipped and shifted between her fingers constant fear, if she slipped there was no physical safety rope to catch her.
Sweat dripped onto her jade green shirt, she had been climbing for hours now and still no peak in sight. What if she couldnít make it to the other side of the mountain before the sun went down? Her muscles ached, legs shaking each level she climbed what was on the other side? She was sure there was civility, people. Still more hours passed the sun shedding its ghastly purplish glow over the horizon behind her as if to say goodbye for the day.
The sun was setting and still no end in sight not even a ledge big enough for her to sleep for the night. Tears threatened as she questioned why didnít she just stay on the shore? CRASH! Waves smashing against the ebony sand brought her attention downward just as the sun slid below the line off to another part of the world. Panic gripped her heart, how would she see? How will she survive?
Up above her head a bright light beamed down like a spotlight guiding her, coaxing her to continue upward she had to get to the other side. Not too far up there seemed to be a ledge; bigger than any she had seen so far maybe she could rest for a few hours? She pulled her body up over but what she saw shook her soul; snakes of all shapes colors and sizes lay coiled all over the shelf. Where was she going to rest? How was she going to get past these snakes they would surely bite her.
She needed to get over so she had to risk the various bites because she had come too far to turn back. One leg one arm and thatís how she went over the snakes without as much as a scratch! They didnít seem to notice her; as if she was invisible. Invisible was how she felt all alone on that strange mountain with no place to sleep and no end in sight. This was her nightmare, this continuous climbing, trees mocking her as if to say we have a home planted in a place to rest.
Maybe if she looked up she could see the top; when she looked up not even the light could be seen clearly anymore. A thick fog covered her view of the rest of the mountain; a great sadness over whelmed her. Doubts and depression floated through her mind as she instinctively climbed nearer to the fear that floated above her. SHHH! A voice whispered as the fog began to clear, Havenít I protected you this far? Havenít I held you safely in my arms?
She thought about the beginning of her journey; how it all looked hopeless but she was always held by a supernatural safety rope. When the sands of life slide back and forth and the troublesome snakes seem to threaten our every move; there is one in who we should put our trust. ďIf I care for the birds that fly and the bugs that crawl wouldnít I care for you?Ē Sounds of laughter could be heard in the distance, the fog that seemed so threatening was now little more than wisps and she knew her journey was over.


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Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp 02/26/10
I can see the many great points you are making and you had me wanting to know how the nightmare would end.

Double spacing between paragraphs will make this much easier to read.

A beginner myself, I want to suggest Ann and Jan's writing courses which have helped me tremendously.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/28/10
What an intense picture you painted. I could see the rocks, and purple glow quite clearly. I liked how you tied in the reassurance in the end.
Jan Ackerson 03/02/10
Interesting allegory!

Be careful of run-on sentences and comma splices--you had quite a few here, and they distracted a bit from your writing.

You do very well with descriptive prose--hope to read more in the future.