The Official Writing Challenge
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Every mother's nightmare! I wore your heaviness as I read this and commend you for sharing this heartfelt story.
I am pretty new round here but want to recommend Jan and Ann's writing courses to help with grammar, etc... They have helped me tremendously, and double spacing between paragraphs makes it easier to read.
I look forward to reading more of your stories.
A very painful story and the emotion was communicated well. I agree that paragraph spacing would improve the readability of this story. Please do keep writing!
This is very touching, I yearned to know more about Greg, was he there because he tried to commit suicide or because he'd committed a crime? Then I realized he was sharing an intimate moment with his mother and it didn't matter as much as the whys, but your writing drew me in and I'm ready to hear more. Good job.
03/02/10
You definitely left me wanting more, and with unanswered questions as to the circumstances that put him there.

You did a good job portraying the emotional content--I was just looking for more of a back story, some narrative to fill in the gaps.