The Official Writing Challenge
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02/18/10
A good job, but I would suggest not using the second "Phew" That seemed a little much to me, and too close together. Just remember, that is only one persons opinion. Keep writing!
02/18/10
Good job. You made me feel like I was there going through it myself. Phew is right. Thank God for the ending.
02/19/10
Praise God indeed. Thanks for this account of your eye troubles. For me, ignorance translates into fear, and this could be useful education for a less fearful future.
Love the title. Your word choice felt just right. You have an EYE for detail.

When we teach through writing, as we tell a dynamic story it adds more weight to ur words too. Just my opinion, and I'm so cheap it's free.
02/22/10
I've tried driving with dilated eyes, and it IS a terrifying experience. I've also had cataract surgery, and watched while it was happening. So I was able to totally relate to this. Good job!
02/22/10
Not only a great whew but a great answer to prayer. One suggestion for an otherwise GREAT entry. You might want to preview it before you enter it, so you can even out the lines. I usually do that but this time I only had 3 minutes to deadline and I didn't have a chance. I don't know if it makes a difference in the judging but it does look better. Question: Why are you still in Beginners? You need to move up a bit, don't you think? :-)
02/22/10
Great story and so glad you had a good result. I, too, am wondering why you are in Beginners. Loved your title!
02/22/10
I love the line "I need a WHAT in my WHAT?" Too funny!

Your descriptions were great. I actually felt sick to my stomach when reading about the procedure. How's that for feeling like I'm there?
02/22/10
I was cringing the whole way through. You expressed very well the horror of having your eye messed with! Good story.
02/23/10
Good opening line, it drew me into the story to find out what was happening to the MC. I like happy endings. I am glad this circumstance ended well!
While in nursing school, eye surgery was the one thing I couldn't stomach. You brought me right back to that operating room. I had chills with your description. Good job.
02/23/10
Ack, I felt myself shrinking down in the chair with you as the injection came closer...then I realized I was only reading about it...PHEW!

Your writing continues to improve, keep it up!
02/23/10
The title was perfect for this story. Great descriptions, I felt your anguish.
02/23/10
Clever title! You skillfully allowed your reader to experience this breath-taking event with you. Very good work!