The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/11/10
WOW!
Talk about cross-communication!
Can't tell you how many times I encountered this!
02/12/10
What a great job of getting us as hyped up as Alex, and then dropping us just as hard. Loved it!
02/16/10
Cute! Reminds me of the scene in 'Fiddler on the Roof' when Tevye is talking to the butcher.
02/17/10
What a great job you did with this entry. The flow is very good and the timing is spot on. Good Ohhh.

Mona
02/17/10
HA! You had me going all the way until the end! Poor Alex. I'd love to see him dig his way out of this one.
you won't be in beginner's long :) nicely done. I like that we see what's coming but Alex doesn't. The only thing I'd maybe play with a little is the beginning w/ the thoughts sort of in and out of his head- finding a way to keep what is actually happening separate from what's going on internally. very nice job.
Yup - I agree - you won't be in beginners long.. this is very well written..and a fun read.
02/17/10
This is great! You drew me right in. I could feel his nervousness. :) I figured out pretty quickly that they weren't talking about the same thing, but it was still very interesting to see how it all played out. I'm sure he must have been thinking, oh! :)
02/17/10
Ohh, this is good! Great job of "showing" through dialog and actions. Little bits of red ink: The first sentence doesn't quite work for me; the wording is a little awkward. And you don't need quote marks around his thoughts since they are in italics. It makes it look like someone is whispering. :) If you do use quotes, use the 'single' mark, and no italics.

I too figured out the miscommunication early on, but had so much fun watching the mc flounder. SUPER entry!
02/17/10
hehe! I gotta say I saw where this was going, but really enjoyed the ride! I like the subtle messages of purity in this as well
I was smiling throughout. Congrats on a well deserved win. See you in the next level!
You have such an art for telling a story! I couldn't wait for this poor boy's nervous encounter to end and your ending was absolutely GREAT..took me TOTALLY by surprise!
02/18/10
way to go Amanda! See you in Level 2!
02/18/10
Congratulations. I loved the gentle humour
Loved it! Congratulations on your 2nd place finish!