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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Ohhh…. (02/04/10)

TITLE: The Ninth Commandment
By Barbara Targett
02/09/10


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“I don’t remember exactly what age I was”, she spoke a little red faced, “but I do remember those days , you know when we used to go out and pick potatoes for the county, go out in the afternoons and pick the peas from the garden - all those good and healthy things of the summer and fall days, gosh, I miss those days.”

“It must have been around springtime I guess…”she thought as she wandered off again in her mind to those days when it seemed technology hadn’t reached the point of no return. “Yup, I remember going into Mr. Gussies candy store.” Do you remember those red cherry candies. Ohhh, boys I loved those things - mmm-yummy. They were the best candies.”

She wandered through the candy store, her mind only focused on getting those red cherry candies and eating them til’ her lips were as red as those big red delicious apples in the fall. Her mind still focusing on getting home, she couldn’t wait to eat those red cherry candies. Off she went, down the hill, pockets bulging with those red cherry candies. The day was delightful she thought as she skipped down the hill towards home where she knew her mom would be busy about the chores of the day.

“Momma, momma” Hattie shouted with great enthusiasm and grinning from ear to ear. Momma, I got some of those red cherry candies from Mr. Gussie’s candy store….Look “she exclaimed.

“Yes, dear, I see”, her mother answered with questions in her mind as to how she attained so many red candies with 50 cents. Why her pockets were stuffed like a squirrel stuffs his cheeks before the first Nor’easter, packed tight. She knew 50 cents would have been enough for 10 maybe 12, but pocketfuls?

“Hattie”, her mother spoke inquiringly.

“Yes, momma.“

“Hattie, dear, how much did those candies cost you? You seem to have an awfully lot for 50 cents.”

“Fifty cents!” Hattie exclaimed. Ohhh..Momma I broke the ninth commandment. Ohhh Momma - I stole these , she spoke with further aspiration. I must take these back and tell Mr. Gussie how sorry I am.”

“Yes”, her mother replied.

As Hattie entered the candy store with great reluctance still, her pockets bulging - and Mr. Gussie, at that moment in time, looking mighty stern with his bushy eyebrows and whiskbroom type moustache, gingerly approached the candy counter.

Well, good afternoon to you Hattie. How are you today?”, asked Mr. Gussie..

“Ohhh- Mr. Gussie, I must confess…I got so drawn away by those red cherry candies, I - I - I put them in my pockets and……”

“You’re an honest little girl, Hattie., as Mr. Gussie understood all too well.

“Ohhh - thank you Mr. Gussie,” returning the wrapped red cherry candies and paying for 12 to take back home.

Hattie thanked her Heavenly Father for his promises to her and his commandments for daily living.


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Member Date
Verna Mull02/12/10
A nice litle story. I did think that "red cherry candies" was stated too often. Perhaps could have used "the candy" or something that was a definate referrel to them, in some of the spots, especially in the first end of the article. Again, I say it was a great story, regardless!
Jan Ackerson 02/16/10
I like the nostalgic feeling here.

I wonder if it'd be tighter without the first 2 paragraphs (since the person being addressed never becomes part of the story). Then you could add more narrative to the candy-stealing story.

Don't we all have a similar memory? Thanks for reminding us.