The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/05/10
I love the subtle way you begin the story and the natural humor throughout. Poor Bruce. At least he finally learned his lesson that "lording" over other kids is not so fun for those around him. Too bad he had to learn the hard way. Very entertaining read!
02/07/10
You are quite a story teller.
This reminded me of the voice in the popular Christmas movie
about Ralphie and the Red Rider. Well done.
02/09/10
An unusual and creative story. You did a good job with descriptions and atmosphere, and the ending was right-on. Take that talent and run with it!
I enjoyed your linking of the school yard bully to the malevolent dictators I learned about in History class. I'm glad he learned his lesson in the end. I did notice a couple of times when you switched tenses. It was quite minor and easily fixed. I may not have even noticed if we hadn't been discussing tenses in Jan's class this week. Over-all a good job, I like it when a story makes me think.
02/09/10
What a great job you did with this entry. Your story held my interest and is nicely written. Good pacing.
look forward to more of your work.
Mona
02/09/10
I like the believable way you tell the story of the school bully. I was wondering what would happen when he had to go to a school with older students! Good conclusion. I'll look forward to reading more of your stories!