Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Grrr! (01/28/10)
By Tessy Fuller
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“Moooommm!” Lily cries, “Ava has a marker and is coloring on your carpet.”
“Are you serious?” I ask as I fling a trail of bubbles across the kitchen floor hastily grabbing a towel to dry my hands.
“Ava, I told mommy,” chants Lily in a singsong victory tune. “You’re in trouble!”
I can feel my temple throbbing as I walk toward the crime scene. I find myself breathing in and out heavily and begin counting in my head..5..4..3..2...1.. in an attempt to calm my rising blood pressure. You will control the Grrr! I tell myself. You can handle this.
I follow Lily into the living room and there she sits, a full on embodiment of orneriness. Much to my relief I have to stifle a laugh. Not only is my carpet bearing her artistic endeavor but so is her face. She could easily be mistaken for a purple people eater. “Ava, what did you do?” I ask trying to hide my smile. I take note that the marker in her hand is stamped washable and a sigh of relief escapes my lips. She looks up at me and her lower lip begins to tremble, a lone tear threatens to spill down her purple streaked cheek. I lean down, scooping her into my arms.
“Mommy, you going to spank me?”
“No, sweetie I’m not.” I can feel the guilt building like vile in my throat. “You do need to sit in time out though,” I explain softly. “You know your not suppose to color on mommy’s carpet.” I feel her choked back sobs resonating against my beating heart as I carry her to the crib. I place her inside and gently plant a kiss on the top of her precious head. As I walk away the crying begins. She cries from her bed, a protest to my punishment. I cry from my failures, a protest to my sinfulness. Sure, the handling of this incident was much better then the last but the relief was short-lived. Earlier that morning the magical toilet had allured Ava in promising her great fun and adventure. Her curiosity was not able to resist such an offer and an entire roll of toilet paper fell victim to her experimentation. When I discovered the mess she in turn fell victim to my anger.
I take my thoughts to the kitchen and begin to fill a bowl with hot soapy water. I mix in a bit of cleaner and grab a clean washcloth. I return to the living room and begin to scrub. The deep purple stain begins to dilute into a soft lilac. The once white washcloth is now saturated. My carpet is almost white again. I hear a whisper in my heart as I continue to scrub. This is exactly what I can do for you. I can give you a new start. I can absorb your guilt and free you from your chains of failure if you will only let me. My heart thuds in my chest, my eyes swim with tears once again. I do not deserve a second chance, but my soul longs for it. How I desire for my stain to be blotted out.
I want to be a better mom I do. I love my children so much God and I am so thankful you have entrusted them to me, even though I am plagued with human frailties. I don’t know what I would do without them in my life. I know I need to be more patient with them. I know I don’t deserve it… I clutch the washcloth in my hand, which now resembles a dirty rag. ..But please forgive me!
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