The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/05/10
Cute story! It made me think of my Dad 'cause we often say that he has a "teddy bear" and "grizzly bear" side. I guess we all do. :)

This is a good reminder to be thoughtful of other people's feelings rather than getting angry because things don't go the way we like. There are a few punctuation errors and the quotations might need a little revising in a few places, but the story is awesome. Keep it up!
02/07/10
I like what you had to say.

Try breaking into paragraphs leaving this much space

between Also,in dialogue, each person gets their own line also. You'll get the mechanics, you are a good writer.