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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Grrr! (01/28/10)

TITLE: The Sound Awakens Me
By Jean Beier
01/28/10


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In shock, I watch the door go shut, until every speck of light disappears.

What was it I did? I struggle to remember, as the tears run down my face. My mouth opens, but not a sound can squeak out. No sound came from outside of the tiny room.

My feet frozen to the floor, I sense my surroundings. Soundless, spooky things are all around. Time stands still until finally I begin to move. I move slowly at first while getting the feel of all that is around me. Fear consumes me. I stick my thumb in my mouth. It offers comfort for awhile.

Every thing goes in slow motion as finally I weave through silk, cotton, and denim. I trip over shoes and other floor clinging items. All the spooky things become familiar things even though still unseen. I just want out. What was it I did? I must have been a bad girl.

I discover the back corner and draw myself to the floor, and pull myself tight to the wall. I pull up my legs and hug them tight. I fall asleep as my tears run like a river down my face and down my arms.

Grrr!

The sound awakens me. Fear consumes and racks my three year old body. I force my eyes wide, but still cannot see. “Just stay still. Don’t move. It will go away.”

“Why doesn’t mama come get me?”

My mind comes to rescue me, giving me imaginations of better times. I feel loving arms around me. I hear cooing in my ears, “what a good little girl you are.” Sleep downs me to the floor in a tiny little heap.

Time has moved on and then Grrr… Grrr… Grrr!

My eyes want to pop open, but I force them tight shut. I think, “Maybe if I don’t move it will go away.” I tell myself, “I will stay quiet and good. Then mama will come and open the door and get me out. The sound will go away.”

“My mama is going to be upset.” I think this as I feel the dampness beneath me. “Why doesn’t she come get me?”

“I’m a bad girl.”

It has been a long time, but finally the door opens up. Expecting light to pour in, I find that the day has been spent, the sun is down, and I leave the darkness of the closet to the darkness of the day.

Grrr! This time I hear the sound without fuzziness’ of mind. It comes from my tummy. It matches the hunger that I feel.

Grrr, shouts from my tummy for food and Grrr, shouts from my heart for love.

Mama explains she forgot she confined me in the closet. She does not remind me what I did to get placed there. She scoops me up, feeds me, and tucks me in bed. It was just a dream, I tell myself.

That is until I grew up. It lays in my mind as real as today. Now I hear it, Grrr! the constant call for love and food.


Postscript: With the writing of this, it brings me healing. I know I am not alone with experiences like this one. There is hope for us all. Jesus is just waiting for us to receive the healing that only He can give. I, for one, am not going to wait another day, to give out forgiveness and in return receive joy and peace. I also hold faith that I will soon be a slimmer me.


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This article has been read 317 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Verna Mull02/04/10
My heart goes out to you. Some of the childhood experiences just never seem to totally leave us. my brother used to hide and scare me, and I have never overcome the fear of being alone, especially at night. I have no ill will towards my brother, because he was only being an older brother and had no realization of how traumatic it was to me. Good job of explaining your fear and acceptance.
Dan Blankenship 02/04/10
Very moving piece. Dealing with the past can bring out so many healing phases. Thank you for tackling such a painful subject.

AnneRene' Capp 02/04/10
As I read this, I could not help but think how much you've obviously grown from these past hurts to be able to share them and how much you can now help others who have walked in similar shoes. Kudos for sharing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/05/10
What a brave girl you were. This was a touching story that makes me want to hold my kids and give them a kiss. Good job.
stanley Bednarz 02/05/10
You are welcomed with our love into a big family of faith here, where God's doors are wide open. Keep writing!
Ruth Brown 02/07/10
Very well done. I can't believe parents put children in closets. I have a hard time with that. Praise God you are overcoming. This was an effective use of grrr.
Praying for God's best for you.
Ruth Thoutenhoofd02/08/10
Thanks for sharing this traumatic time in your life. It's hard to imagine how a mom can be this thoughtless. Children are our most precious gifts! God bless you as you continue to let him heal this memory. You write well, by the way!
Amanda Brogan02/08/10
Very good narrative, writing from the perspective of a three-year-old. Thanks for letting us "crawl into" the mind of a much younger version of yourself.

Your postscript is very insightful. Praise God for the healing that He brings! I like the line, "I, for one, am not going to wait another day, to give out forgiveness and in return receive joy and peace."

Great job!
Sarah Elisabeth 02/11/10
Hey Jean, congrats on placing 8th in Level 1 with your entry! You are among some great writers, so good job! If you haven't already, be sure to check out the Highest Rankings posted on the forums:

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=28720