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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Huh? (01/21/10)

TITLE: Feigned
By Danielle kocinski
01/25/10


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Feigned
As soon as he walks through the front door, she excitedly begins blurting out the day’s events as he takes off his coat and hurls it toward the nearby rack while making a beeline towards his computer chair. She follows closely behind all the while exclaiming her glorious revelations: “When I was going through one of my old jewelry boxes I found the jade ring you gave me when we first met that I thought was lost forever! It was buried beneath several strands of Mardi Gras beads. I immediately tried to put it on but it’s too small now. I’ll need to go get it resized at the jeweler. Remember how you told me that you wished you were giving me a diamond but the jade was even better because it perfectly matched my beautiful green eyes?” He momentarily looks in her direction and smiles slightly.
She goes on reminiscing about when they first met and how finding the ring led her to rummage through all their old photos in the hopes of discovering the picture he took after he first placed the ring on her finger. She hadn’t finished searching yet so she asked him if he could help her look after dinner. “Sure,” he flatly replies as he clicks on several models of plasma screen televisions for sale. She then shifts the subject to the delectable chocolate cake recipe she saw in her favorite magazine and how she hopes hers will look as sumptuous as the one in the photo but she didn’t think it possibly could because her cakes were always lopsided or slightly burned since the oven temperature was never regulated quite right. Now he was scrolling through pages of the latest cellular phone models.
That night, right after they got in bed, she asked him if he would go with her to the jewelry store after he got home from work. “Huh?” he says and turns off the light.
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This article has been read 260 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 01/30/10
The contrast between these two's points of view, and focus, is VERY clear. I'm sure there are quite a few marriages like this.
Jan Ackerson 02/01/10
Very sad and telling commentary on a modern marriage.

A few suggestions: Separate paragraphs and increase the pacing by switching back and forth between prattling wife and too-busy husband.

Great little kicker at the end.
Marita Vandertogt02/01/10
At first I felt badly for her, until I read it again. I guess they're both at fault here - very good writing by the way.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/01/10
A nice job of showing how easy it is to not hear someone, even though you are listening.
Ruth Brown 02/02/10
I felt sorry for each of them. Neither spoke the other's love language.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz02/03/10
Sad, but such a reality in so many families.
Pam Ford Davis 02/03/10
Common problem... Husbands and Wives are often tuned in to different frequencies! Nice story!