The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 584 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/22/10
This is a little confusing to follow, because of the shift in speakers and setting. It opens quite nicely, but then I'm a little mixed up. I didn't realize it was from the son's point of view until the end where he was marrying a girl and then I puzzled that one out. I followed the girl's conversation, mostly, but then I was confused as to whether Mr. Clair was actually healthy and alive or on his deathbed. Not a bad story, but a little hard for me to follow. Otherwise, I did like the ending where the son followed his heart and married for love and not money. Thank you for sharing!
Sara why don't you take a little more time to re-read this nice article which does not exalt comely grace and pelf but thematically portrays virtues. The narrator has always been Mr Clair's only son. The use of 'rested himself assured' for Mr Clair or 'found rest' for Lenore could be the writer's way of saying, 'having found peace of mind,or being confident or assured about a thing; trusting or having faith'. Except for recollections, these events took place as the Clair's were 'leisurely lounging' in a picturesque patio, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon after church service. This writer strikes me as a great poet attempting prosaic writing on a difficult topic like "Oops". The line...The man before me is a professing christian, serving mammons....is my favourite. A fine piece that could be developed into a wonderful novelette. Consider your punctuations and re-read before submissions.
01/25/10
This story has a charming, old-fashioned feel.

I'm with Sara at feeling a bit confused at times--the quickest fix would be to establish right away that the narrator is a young man.

I've started a thread in the message boards specifically for Beginner and Intermediate writers, and I'd love to have you stop by. http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67

Nice writing--definitely keep it up!
01/25/10
Interesting yet charming style. A bit hard to follow as others mentioned, perhaps let another test read before submission to clear up any confusion; a little editing in this regard and you will have a great story.