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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Ow! (01/07/10)

TITLE: Last Words
By Laura Marshall


Sarah leaned back against the door as she softly closed it behind her. There was a chill in the darkened bedroom but her eyes adjusted quickly. She was bereft and tired. The day had drained her strength both emotionally and physically. The snow had fallen gently outside all day. She could see the white flakes pressed against the window pane. It was bright outside with the moon casting its glow over the downy drifts.

She tried to organize her thoughts and see how such a promising day had been interrupted with such tragedy. Tim had risen early and come back into their bedroom a short time later humming and full of anticipation of the snowy forecast. She raised her head from the pillow and grinned at his impish smile as he announced the anticipated weather. He was such a morning person, something that Sarah was indeed not. She noticed the lovely smell of coffee in the air and saw him place her favorite floral china cup and saucer full to the brim next to her on the nightstand.

“Tim, you are truly a treasure,” Sarah said thankfully, as she turned and sat up to reach for the potent elixir. “Mmm, delicious.”

Tim paced excitedly about the room, talking and gesturing with his hands. He wanted to walk to the nearby trails that led higher into the hills behind their small home they had just purchased.

He stopped suddenly mid-sentence and put his hand to his head.


Tim crumpled to the ground writhing a bit and was suddenly still.

Sarah jumped from the bed, upending her cup and its contents. She grabbed the bedside phone as she ran to his side and dialed 911. She checked his pulse and his breathing which was shallow at best.

The ambulance seemed to take hours to arrive as Sarah tried to revive Tim to speak to her.

The moments flashed in her mind’s eye as she sat quietly on the bed in the cold dark bedroom. Tim wouldn’t be coming home today or any other. The brain aneurysm was swift and the doctor had speculated that it led to a stroke which ultimately caused his death a short time later in the ambulance.

Medical words and words of sympathy, repeated over and over to Sarah the rest of the day from strangers, friends, and family flashed through her mind. The one word that echoed through each and every memory was Tim’s last utterance and pain-filled voice.


Sarah curled up on the damp coffee laden quilt and cried herself to a restless sleep.

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This article has been read 302 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Colin Swann01/15/10
Aww, what a sad story! I like your style and would have liked more of your interesting writing. Thanks - Colin
Lisa Harris01/15/10
I also liked your style...I wanted to hear more...
Amanda Brogan01/17/10
Aww, that's so sad! I wanted to cry along with Sarah! Very descriptive writing though. It would be nice to see what happens to Sarah next.
Jan Ackerson 01/18/10
Oh, how sad!

If I were to offer a suggestion, it'd be to help us get to know the character of Tim better, so that we feel sorrier when he dies.

I've started a class in the FaithWriters forums for Beginner and Intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there--look for "Jan's Writing Basics".

Very nice writing--a strong entry.