The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/11/09
This is a beautiful and well-written poem, rich with imagery.

I think the notes at the end detracted from the poem rather than enhancing it. It's like jerking the reader back to reality after having visited a lovely place. Trust your poetry to speak for itself!

In my opinion, one of the best entries I've read so far this week.
12/11/09
As the earth is rich with tones and hues, so your poem is rich with description, vivid imagery, and message (God/infinite)! Your phrases are outstanding.
I especially like your second stanza "the sheep, of ebony, or cream" and the "coffee stones do dream" (reminds me of "coffee with 'cream'") …and that's a favorite too. :) (just a side note: I do like your thought on the "moons" with "her" phases.) Your writing really shines here!
12/11/09
Great Work. I especially like the way you can transition lines. "Striped zestful zebras fly
As on the mount fierce leopards prey
And dot the southern sky;"
Being a musician I've always loved when one line flows into the next propelling you forward through a piece, and that's really what I feel like you've done here. Again Great Work.
You've written a lovely descriptive poem. So rich, full, and picturesque of God's creation. Our merciful God created the heavens and the earth and every thing that's in them for us-- that we might worship Him!

Thank you for the tips.

God bless you.
01/10/10
Absolutely beautifully brilliant! :)