The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/20/09
I liked the story and can identify with it. My first child had to wear a biliblanket. Made me smile.
Very nicely written. I don't think you'll be in beginners long.
Great story! Makes me wonder why they send babies home when they are still obviosly jaundiced!
This has a good flow to it; easy to follow.

If I was going to offer any red ink, it might be in the first paragraph. I would leave out "baited breath." It's a cliche, and really isn't necessary as we already know a little child would be waiting impatiently to hear the story.

You've done a good job crafting your story. I felt as if I was in the hospital with you and your new born. I really enjoyed reading it. Thumbs up!
11/24/09
This is a well-written story. I loved how you focused on God ministering to you through the people at the hospital instead of your fear or anxiety. Good job!
11/25/09
Just the right touch on this story. Does any child ever tire of hearing about their birth? Simple, yet powerful.
Keep writing.

mona
11/25/09
Very lovely story, you did a good job!

My advice: Keep entering the challenge :-)