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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: White (10/29/09)

TITLE: Don't Mess with the Milkshake
By Joseph Brown
11/03/09


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Not Boardwalk, Not Boardwalk, Not Boardwalk, Ryan thought to himself as he tossed the dice. They landed on six. Ryan groaned and placed his piece on Boardwalk.

“Ha, ha! 2,000 bucks, baby! Pay up.” Ryan’s older brother Kyle held out his hand. Ryan reluctantly counted out the colorful play money and handed it to Kyle.

“C’mon, Kyle, can’t we play something else?” Ryan grumbled.

“No way! We tossed a coin, remember? You lost, and I got to pick the game. You’re just mad ‘cause you can’t win.” Kyle blew a raspberry.

Ryan still thought there was something fishy with the coin toss. Kyle always got to pick the game.

“Kyle! Ryan! I’ve got a treat for you two,” their mom’s voice called out from the kitchen.

Both brothers scrambled up from their spots on the floor, knocking over some of the Monopoly pieces. They bolted for the kitchen.

Their mom, Sarah, had her coat on. “I thought you two might want to go out somewhere. Like, maybe… Benson’s?”

Ryan and his brother cheered. Benson’s Dairy had the best vanilla milkshakes on their side of town.

They scrambled for the coat closet. They grabbed their coats and ran out the door before their mom did.

They walked into the warm, brightly lit dairy. The case underneath the counter displayed all kinds of dairy products, big and small. But nothing could compare to their creamy vanilla milkshakes.

“Are you two sure you don’t want chocolate?” Sarah asked. She already knew the answer, but she always hoped.

“We want vanilla!” Ryan and Kyle insisted in unison.

Sarah chuckled and turned to the man behind the counter. “Two vanillas, one small, one regular and….”

Ryan interrupted, “Mom, why can’t I have a larger milkshake? Mine always goes too fast.”

Before Sarah could answer, Kyle chimed in. “’Cause your stomach is too small to hold all that stuff. If you tried it, your stomach would explode and……”

Kyle!” Sarah scolded. A few heads turned to look at them. Sarah cleared her throat and said, in a quieter tone, “Please don’t be gross like that in public.”

“All I said was…..”

“I heard what you said, and it isn’t appropriate in places where there’s a lot of people. It could make people lose their appetites.”

“But is it true, Mom?” Ryan asked.

“Is what true?”

“Is it true that my stomach would…..”

“Of course not. Your brother was just teasing.”

“Then why can’t I have a bigger milkshake?”

“Well… because…um….” Sarah paused for a second, then turned to the man and said “Make that two regular vanillas. And a regular chocolate. All to-go."

The man rung up the total and Sarah paid as the boys watched another man pour the creamy white substance into two to-go cups. The man handed the shakes to Sarah. Then she told the boys, “Now remember, don’t horse around with these cups when we get home. They’re flimsy and can spill easily.”

The boys nodded as they exited the dairy.

Back at home, Ryan groaned. “Can’t we play something else, now?”

Kyle was preparing for another round of Monopoly. “No. Just ‘cause the pieces from the last game got knocked over, it doesn’t mean we can do a completely different game.”

“I’m tired of Monopoly.”

“I’m not!”

“That’s ‘cause you always win!”

Kyle took a sip and put down his shake. “If you weren’t so dumb, maybe you…”

I’m not dumb!

“You are, too! And I’m older than you, so you have to do what I say!”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yeah, you do!”

No I don’t!” Ryan yelled. He reached for Kyle’s milkshake.

“Hey, that’s mine!” Kyle and Ryan grabbed it at the same time. They tugged on it and struggled for a few seconds before the lid suddenly popped off.

The half-full cup dumped its entire contents on the two boys, the game board, and the carpet just as their mom walked in.

“Would you both quiet dow--” She gasped “Ryan! Kyle! What did you two do?

She rushed to get some paper towels as the boys looked at each other in silence.

She came back in and wiped off some of the vanilla liquid off of their shirts. “I warned you two about those cups! Now go change, then come back and help clean this stuff up.”

The boys promptly got up and went to their rooms while Sarah began pressing the paper towels on the white mess.

“We’re never getting to-go cups ever again”, she muttered.


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This article has been read 360 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sunny Loomis 11/05/09
I like this. I wanted Ryan to win. This sounded very realistic. Nice job!
Verna Cole Mitchell 11/05/09
I loved the story--it so took me back to my own childhood, as well as to the squabbling of my son and daughter. Good dialogue make the characters real.
Laury Hubrich 11/07/09
This title caught my eye before all the others! Love it. I knew there would be a spill at one point. Very good job telling the story. Now I want a milkshake, but I prefer chocolate myself:)
Beth LaBuff 11/11/09
As one who played Monopoly over and over as a teenager, I enjoyed your slant in this story. Yep, the boys were in trouble! I enjoyed your very realistic dialog in this. You've got talent!
Jan Ackerson 11/11/09
Excellent! I could just hear those two boys fighting, and I was cringing at what was about to happen!

I played Monopoly so much when I was a kid that I had EVERYTHING on every card memorized!
Ruth Brown 11/12/09
A slice of real life, could have come from my own house some years ago. Keep writing, I think you are a chip off the block! A good chip!
Allison Egley 11/12/09
Oh, very good. As the others have said, I could picture this really well. You did a great job creating "word pictures" for your readers.
Yvonne Blake 11/13/09
This was written from experience...right? Well done
Dee Yoder 11/13/09
Great job, Joseph! I KNEW you could do it! And, to answer your question: no, this doesn't mean you have to enter the Challenge more than once a month- ( ;
Marita Thelander 11/13/09
Very well written. Looks like you have a good teacher. ;)Cognrats on placing in the top 15 of level 1. WooHoo...I guess we will all wait until next month to see what you come up with next.