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Darkness began to surround me. It was a suffocating darkness that felt as if it were clinging to me.
I instinctively threw my hands out in front of me to keep from stumbling. I felt nothing, I heard nothing, and the only thing I could hear was the beating of my heart in my ears.
Panic had begun to rise up in the pit of my stomach as I started to feel myself spiral into chaos.
Panic was no stranger to me, I knew how it worked and this time I was prepared. My mind automatically went to a scripture, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear…” I began to feel calmer almost immediately; I had beaten it this time.
The darkness remained.
I became aware that I was walking. I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, but I was walking.
How did I know where to walk? Was I dreaming? The feeling was surreal, I had no idea where I was going but somehow I was being guided.
I began to feel reality set in. This was no dream. Hope seemed far away, this had to be what the bottom looked like.
Even though I was surrounded with people who loved me, loneliness became my friend. I cried out to God, “Where are you!” He was the one that mattered most and in the thick blackness he could not be found. He remained silent.
I kept walking.
I longed for the Lord. Why had he left me to fight this alone? I quoted from Psalms 91, “You will not fear the terror of the night.”
I caught a flash of white light, but it faded quickly and though the darkness had once again surrounded me, I had a tiny sliver of hope.
As I walked the most wonderful smell of honeysuckle engulfed me. Smells like these always bring back memories. This one brought back recollections of summers past, much brighter days for sure.
Hope began to grow.
I began to feel a warm gentle breeze. It was still midnight black but the breeze brought comfort.
I closed my eyes.
As I opened them, I could see I was surrounded by a bright white light. The Lord stood in front of me. I could not see his face. His garment was sparkling white. The ground looked like a lush green pasture. There was a small lake with crystal clear water that was so still it reflected the sky as if it were a mirror.
The Lord began to speak to me and as he did my heart sprang to life.
“I was the warm breeze; I was so close you could feel my breath. You were never alone.” “ I guided you through the valley of the shadow of death, rest here beside the still water while I restore your soul.” In an instant I felt complete freedom from the burden I had carried. I lay on the ground staring up at the sky as the brightest white light surrounded me. When you walk by faith through your darkest times, he brings you into times of refreshing.
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