The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/05/09
You've written a thriller for sure. I know it's fiction and yet I got sucked in anyway. It also reminded me of my home town's ghost story about "Alice in the cemetery."
I got the impression it was the telling of a real past event. Good job keeping us in suspense either way.
I am a newly joined beginner too. I really enjoyed the story!
11/06/09
I'm with you I don't believe in Ghosts either. I do believe in angles. The way you set this up was excellent and great catch at the end. I wonder what you could do with an Angle story. Great Job, wonderful read. God Bless!

11/07/09
I almost didn't read this story because these kinds of stories usually don't interest me, but I figured you had as much right to a review as anyone else. I'm glad I read the story. Very exciting. It reminded me of some of the stories going around when I was a teenager. I believe I saw two inconsistencies, but it could just be me and the hour. The first was after the orphan train wrecked where everyone died in the flames, but then you refer to the orphans from the trains further into the story. The second was when you said your cousin was pregnant and her friend drove. But then when the car got stuck, you talked about your cousin trying to get it out. Again, I may just not be reading it correctly either. Great story. Kept my interest.
11/08/09
very engaging, great job of building suspense. good story. loved the "off-hand" style of reference to the result of a so-called open mind at the end.
11/10/09
Great job of writing! This reminded me of some stories that my cousin used to tell all of us cousins. We all sat in a dark room while she told them. I was very young, and she managed to get her intended response. I think this would have done it too, back then!
11/10/09
Good suspenseful approach that covers the kind of pain that gives satan too much room in people's minds. Was it a veiled or unintended pun at the end: "it just GHOST to show...?"
But seriously, well written.
11/11/09
Wow! Your haunting story captured my attention. I hear stories that come from our native friends that sound similar, so yes, I believe there is a spiritual world, "our battle is not against flesh and blood..."