The Official Writing Challenge
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You have some wonderful descriptives, but I had trouble following your story. It seemed disjointed. Try to weave together one or two threads of thought as you develop the flow of your story line.
My hands were shaking (nervous) when I pressed "submit". Before that, I accidentally deleted a whole paragraph in the middle while proof-reading this 8th draft. It still turned out a disappointment to myself. Never mind, I move on. Thank you for my one commenter. You've been very patient and kind in pointing it out to me.

Cheers and Blessings to fellow writers!
Maryknoll