The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/30/09
Good story.

Try to do more showing instead of telling. Let us get into the main character's head. Let her actually say the words she's saying, rather than just telling us what she's saying or thinking.

I liked the star following her around. :) Good job.
11/03/09
Clever way of showing that God is always with us through something of his creation and lovely to gaze upon. Also, your piece reminds us to spend time with God in quiet and simple ways. Very healing. Good job.