The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/31/09
Some typos and grammatical things, but overall a good idea. I think this might have worked better in a past tense, as if someone is reflecting over it. Good job though-thanks for sharing!
10/31/09
With a little work, this could make for a good story. You seem to have incomplete sentences and I would agree with the previous reviewer that the tense should perhaps be different.
11/01/09
Thanks for sharing - enjoyed! Have a look at some of the other entries for what the other comments are pointing out - grammar, sentence structure and tense - maybe one of the masters will help you on a personal level if you ask on the notice board.

Kee[p writing, thanks again for sharing.

Colin
11/03/09
You spoke of seasons of life and seasons of the year without using the word "season" once. This is showing glimpses of a gift of story telling/writing. Keep refining your work.