This is it, she thought to herself. After years of attempting unsuccessfully to numb the pain, committing time and again to change and hurting those she loved all along, it was time for one last try.
As she packed her suitcase, she found herself examining each item she was allowed to take with her. It may seem odd to others to buy new clothes to wear at the facility, but to her they represented the beginning of a new life. In fact, she had donated her old clothes to charity – no longer wanting to be reminded of the unspeakable deeds she had done while wearing them. Packing personal items, in her mind she imagined someday taking better care of the body that had been given to her. She knew in her heart that her actions had desecrated the temple of which she was to be a steward. Adding pen and notebook, she looked forward to journaling again as she had in the past.
Including the last item, her Bible, she remembered the day just two weeks earlier when she became reacquainted with God’s Word after years of being absent from it. After waking up in the arms of a stranger once again, not knowing where she was or how she had arrived there, the burden of the guilt and shame she felt became unbearable. She never felt good about herself in moments such as these, but that day she had this feeling that this had to be the last time and that there had to be a better way. Upon returning to her apartment, not knowing what else to do, she went straight to the sacred writings she had neglected for so long. Noticing a piece of notebook paper that served as a bookmark, she opened up to the page and realized this was where her life verse was written. “When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.” (Ps. 94:18,19) Her mind went back to a time when she went to Him with everything, felt at rest in His love and trusted Him with every detail of her life. She missed the peace that used to be hers. Unfolding the tattered marker and seeing the words in front of her brought on the tears. She sobbed uncontrollably as she read something she had written years earlier.
I give my life to You
To walk within Your plans.
I’m holding nothing back.
I place it in Your hands.
I love You with my all.
I know You love me, too.
I know that You won’t leave
No matter what I do.
With doubts and fears at bay,
In You I will abide.
I walk in peace and joy
With You right by my side.
My faith in You is strong.
I always feel secure.
No matter what’s ahead,
I know I will endure.
She scarcely remembered the innocent young gal who wrote with such sweet faith and surrender. She cried out to God, “What happened to the innocent, trusting, faithful girl who wrote this poem? Where did she go? I have not seen her for many years.”
With loving arms around her, He replied, “She lives inside where she has always been. She may seem lost to you, but I will help you to find her. For now, though, I will hold you so you will know that you are not alone, that I love you as much as I ever have and that I can heal you and lead you into a better life.”
That was her turning point – the day she decided to leave the bottle behind, go to Teen Challenge for the help she needed and turn back to the one who could be trusted to hold her life in His hands.
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