The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/26/09
So dark and bleak! The mood fits the color. You seem to have things out of sequence, but even that adds to the twisting spiral of despair.
I hope there's a happier ending to this story.
10/27/09
The despair is palpable.Many lessons here for young people. Some sentences needed broken down a bit. It would have been easier to read.
One would hope if this was a real situation,the person would seek Christian counseling,at least for the writer,if mate refused.
Keep writing.
10/28/09
Oh dear! I hope this is fiction! If so, you've done an excellent job creating a sad and depressed character.

If it's nonfiction--please find a Christian counselor!

The writing is good--a little confusing in parts, but fitting with the stream-of-consciousness.
10/28/09
This is an interesting piece. Writing means so many things to so many people. For the sake of clearing up some confusion this passage could be changed a little. "Itís like God has decided thereís one person he canít stand-me! We have to endure the judgment seat and in my frame of mind Iím going to be questioning God for this hurtful life I have led." I don't think WE will be asking God anything at the judgment seat. It is He that will be asking or telling us. By then, our salvation should have been worked out or it will be too late for heaven.