Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Black (10/15/09)
TITLE: To Know the Way...
By Janice Noonan
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That’s how her soul felt- a blackened depth that needed to spill forth- to let go of all that made its ugly darkness, hidden from all to see. What had caused such depth to build? Perhaps it came from long ago- a feeling of never being good enough, never measuring up to the standard of a world that didn’t acknowledge her characteristics. Those being-quiet, pensive, selfless, reflective, a thinker rather than a “jump in” doer. Unlike her sister who was a success by worldly standards-living a fulfilling career that involved traveling and making good “almighty dollars.” Then there was her other sister - wife, mother, and bread winner. They fit the world’s norm and she did not. Then there were the years of loneliness, a longing to share life with her “image” of a husband. Finally, her day came and she married the man who stole her heart. Little did she know or would she be prepared for the painful side of giving her heart to another.
There came a time when her good heartedness would be tapped one too many times, when she became tired of being the “selfless” giver to the “selfish” takers. Of always being the one who everyone else depended upon. But, when she needed him to lean upon, it was like he didn’t know or couldn’t begin to realize. His failure to see, not only what was happening on the surface, but also to her soul, was all the more painful. Those qualities that she saw in him and what drew her to him seemed never to surface again. And now, she felt betrayed and duped one more time. Expectations from family and her husband only weighed her spirit and drowned her all the more to that ugly black depth.
What would awaken him or her family? She pondered often - of leaving, just driving off one morning to a new place, a new beginning. But that wouldn’t resolve anything. It would only bring a temporary relief - a healing on the surface; not enough to make even the slightest opening to that blackened depth. She was the only one who could begin to allow light to penetrate her dark soul. To allow herself the time and energy to pursue those passions that were still ignitable within her. To realize that she had depth and meaning to her life regardless of her family and husband. They did not create her - they only formed the outer, worldly layer. Who she was - went far beyond that. Her strength and depth was a given and it was that which got her through the worldly difficulties. Now, once more, she would need to draw that forth so she could believe in herself. Believe that she was worthwhile and loved and cared for. That worldly needs would only be satisfied in worldly ways. What would bring her true peace and allow that depth to be penetrated could only happen in one way. She knew the way.. And she slowly, deliberately began to fall to her knees as she prayed…
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