The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/23/09
good job revealing the tension in the character. nice job showing how mom was doing, too. it was a pretty sudden transition to the social worker. i know those can be tough in this short format, but well worth practicing and learning--especially here. i look forward to more of you work!
10/26/09
A story worth sharing if it helps one parent know the symptoms of this abuse. Also a call to supervise our children's activities. We need to protect them with God's help. Well done.Keep writing!
10/27/09
Good job describing the progression of the pain of such an event in a person's life. Like so many movies, the end was derived at and concluded a little abruptly.
10/28/09
You did a great job of showing us Danny's distress and the way the family dealt with it.

There were quite a few punctuation issues that somewhat hampered the flow.

All in all, a riveting story with a good ending.