The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
good development of the main character. nice tie in to the theme, too.
We all suffer from black thoughts, but we should never tarry there for very long. Good reminder.
Some good things here, but a bit confusing and hard to read. perhaps you had trouble at submission with formatting.
I felt the black, that's the real point!
A great start!

There's some editing needed here for spelling and punctuation--and I really didn't understand the relationships between your characters, what the "headquarters" were...several necessary details seemed to be missing.

But you've definitely got a storyteller's heart, and I hope you keep writing. Study the entries in Advanced and Masters to see what works here...and keep going!