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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Black (10/15/09)

TITLE: Shine On
By Ruth Brown
10/16/09


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Shine On


Miss Macintosh called my name,”Bea,

it's your turn to give your speech."

(Who ever heard of second graders

havin' to give a speech, I thought, But

here goes")

“Howdy, my name is Beatrice Wilder, Bea

for short. I've got a twin sister named

Betty. She's in Miss Smith's room.

We came to Indiana because of the

Great... Im..pression, no that's not

right Daddy says it's De..pression.

We got on a train in Lexington, Ky.

There was not one bit of happy on any

face in that whole station.

Mama said it was because people were

hungry and were going to look for work.

When we prayed over our baked sweet

potato lunch, we prayed for folks to

find work.

My Daddy, his name's Andrew Jackson

Wilder, and he share crops, but the

plantin' didn't take long.

Daddy noticed there weren't any

Watson's men in the area.

You all probably know, they sell the

best

medicine and healin' salves and real

fine vanilla for baking.

So one day Daddy came home drivin' a

Model T Ford. It's the first car we

ever had. And he said ,

“Ruthie,(that's Mama's name)climb in.

Let's take a ride!”

We all climbed in: Mama, me, Bet, and

our little brother Frank.

Whoo..ie that was fun. I bet we went

twenty five miles an hour.

So any way, Daddy decided to take us

twins off of Mama's hands.

He took us most days in the summer. We

couldn't leave until we hoed in the

garden, gathered the eggs, and Daddy

had milked ole Betsy. She's our Jersy

cow. Mama says her milk is awful good..

We went with Daddy to sell Watson's and

to play with all the kids on the route.

It was a lot of fun. Sometimes we

played marbles. or jump rope, or Hide

and Seek.

The other day we were at the Farler's

house. They have a bunch of 'youngins'

There is a big boy ten years old at

least.

They were playin' stick ball.They were

squealin' and havin' such fun. I

wanted to play too.

The big boy said,"Are you sure little

girl?"

I said," Sure I'm sure! I can hit it."

“But we only have this old round rock

for our ball.”

I told him it would be ok! The bat

was a wide board making a perfect

hittin' bat.

He threw it and I started to swing.

The rock hit my bat and glanced off

hitting me right in my eye.

I hit the ground with a thud and

grabbed my eye. I cryed a little.

Then Mrs. McFarland came with a cool

cloth and laid it on my eye.

My Daddy said," Oh honey are you Ok?”

I said, "I think so."

And He said,“ You're gonna have a

shiner tomorrow, Your Mama won't be

happy.

“What's a shiner,Daddy?"

“You'll find out tomorrow, Honey!"

he said.

So when I got up this morning, I

washed my face and looked in the

mirror. That's when I figured it all

out.

This big old black eye is a real

shiner!”


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This article has been read 283 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Philippa Geaney10/23/09
I love this story! It is so redolent of the innocence of youth.I'm sure the format was a glitch in the process, though I believe the voice of the child will make readers forget as they are transported into the moment.It did for me. This is good writing.
Marie Fink10/25/09
This story is very entertaining and seems like it could be part of a larger one. I was hearing the little gir's accent in my head even though I wasn't sure she should have a very thick one or not. Super job.
Jan Ackerson 10/27/09
Well done--the voice was spot on.

As far as the formatting--did you type directly into the submission box? That might account for it. I recommend that you type your entry in your word processing application, and don't hit "enter" until you reach the end of a paragraph (not at the end of each line). Then make sure you hit "enter" to create white space between paragraphs (like this comment).

Also, there's a little button that says "preview" that you can hit before you hit the "submit" button. You can see what your entry will look like, and fix anything before you submit.

Hope this was helpful! You're a good writer...keep it up!
Mark Bell10/27/09
good voice. well told story from the first person. looking forward to more of your work!
Sarah Elisabeth 10/27/09
Cute story! lol, I can imagine that teacher's face as the little girl rattled on and on...but to a very satisfactory conclusion! :-)
harvestgal Ndaguba10/29/09
so enjoyed reading this. Thanks for the entry.


   
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