The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/24/09
This is a sad account about a young girl. I thought the mother was very flippant in her answer to the girl, though. That seemed out of place.

Nice job telling the story.
10/24/09
A good reminder of the forgiveness of Christ, even though we may have to suffer earthly consequences.
10/27/09
Great build up of the story. a little bit of a slow read at the start, despite the fast pace of the language. isn't it interesting how a blunt confrontation can sometimes change a hardened heart? nice job.
10/27/09
Great title!

There's a lot of telling here, and not as much showing...and a few changes in tense.

You've got the beginnings of a really good story, polished up and expanded. Well done.