The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/24/09
Am glad to see you wrote an entry but I need to share with you some things that will make it easier to read next time.

Make sure you double-space between paragraphs. Maybe ask someone to proof it for you before you enter.

If it's hard to read, people most probably won't bother. Oh, something that helps me, too - is to read it aloud to myself. Hope this helps you.
10/24/09
There seems to be a progression of hope in the story, from hopeless to hope, I think. Reading your work aloud will help you to understand if what you have written makes sense or not too.
10/26/09
nice portrayal of an inner struggle of a man trying to find his peace in a world that rejects him, and compartmentalizes his chances.

echoing the comments above, many times, i have my editor...i mean, my wife...read my stuff before I submit.

despite the formatting problems that often plague newer posting here, this was a good read. thanks for sharing.
10/27/09
There's a lot of potential here. I agree with the previous commenters...spacing, editing, and taking care with comma splices (run-on sentences) are all things that need attention.

With some polish, I see your writing really starting to shine.