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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Blue (10/08/09)

TITLE: The Trip
By Brenda Rice
10/14/09


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The Trip

My mood was as blue as the tropical flowers in a vase on the table. As my eyes scanned the horizon where the dark blue waters of the ocean met the azure blue sky, I felt as if my life had been drained away. I was dying inside as I watched boats crisscrossing the harbor where the cruise ships sat like giant toys.

This was the vacation my husband and I had planned for years. It was suppose to be the most wonderful time we had had as a family. We had saved and waited until we felt the children were old enough to enjoy a cruise. This was to be our special time with our children, but something had gone horribly wrong.

Suddenly, my attention was diverted from the activity in the harbor to the Blue Mountains in the distance. More than seven thousand feet they stood, covered in thick vegetation. The mountains rose majestically as if they were the spine of the island which then cascaded back to the ocean on either side of the mighty Blue Mountains. My attention had been captured by a helicopter as it made strategic passes across the highest peak visible from my vantage point. Could it be that someone was lost up there? I prayed that wasn’t what was happening.

A knock at the door brought me to my feet. Quickly I opened the door without checking to see who was there. My expression must have reflected my distress which caused the maid to apologize for disturbing me. I was disturbed and distressed but it was the waiting that was killing me little by little. God when will this be over?

Rebecca, my little blond haired, blue eyed, four year old, miracle child was missing. My husband and my son were looking for her and I was in a hotel room not knowing what was happening. God please let this be over. Let us find Becca.

You gave her to us when the doctors said there was no way. We had accepted that we would only have one
child, our handsome son, Chase. Then we were rewarded with our miracle baby. It was only a second of distraction and Becca was gone. Everywhere I looked I saw her in her little blue outfit with perky blue bows on her bouncy ponytails. There… no there… no over there, but the reality was she was gone. Where is Becca?

I walked out on the balcony for a breath of fresh air. Standing high above the crowded street looking down into a collage of blue. Blue awnings on buildings, blue canvases covering hidden objects, blue balloons flying above the heads of happy children. Blue so prominent and yet,the one thing blue I wanted to see eluded me. I knew she was there in the crowd. I asked the Lord to make her visible. I asked Him to fill the longing I had in my heart for the sight of my little girl.

From behind me I heard a sound. A familiar voice called to me. Turning I saw my husband and Chase smiling from ear to ear. And then I saw her, Becca! She ran across the room and into my arms. Oh, the touch of her skin against mine. Her fragrance that only I can smell. Her giggles in my ear that made me relax my taunt muscles and then I realized, the crisis was over.

From my inner most being, praise was released to my God. A God so magnificent and so caring. Thank you seemed such a simply phrase to express the completeness that I felt. I was whole again. My family was whole again. The trip, so long planned was on track again.


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This article has been read 353 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ruth Brown 10/18/09
Gut wrenching story,every parent can identify with. Well written
Leah Nichols 10/22/09
I think you need to put some italics in to designate your MC's thoughts and prayers. (You can check the message boards for the way to do that.) Also, the whole scene felt somehow detached....not sure if that was intentional? It made it hard for me to connect with the MC. I think you did well with the topic, however. Great storyline!
Amy Michelle Wiley 10/24/09
Great story. You had me waiting to figure out what was wrong. I did wonder why the mother stayed in the room instead of helping search, and some of the blue references felt a little forced. Otherwise good job.
Sarah Elisabeth 10/26/09
Very good descriptions! The suspense was well done.

I think it might help to break up the paragraghs a bit more, and use italics to separate your MC's thoughts and prayers.

Great take on the topic!