The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Gut wrenching story,every parent can identify with. Well written
I think you need to put some italics in to designate your MC's thoughts and prayers. (You can check the message boards for the way to do that.) Also, the whole scene felt somehow detached....not sure if that was intentional? It made it hard for me to connect with the MC. I think you did well with the topic, however. Great storyline!
Great story. You had me waiting to figure out what was wrong. I did wonder why the mother stayed in the room instead of helping search, and some of the blue references felt a little forced. Otherwise good job.
Very good descriptions! The suspense was well done.

I think it might help to break up the paragraghs a bit more, and use italics to separate your MC's thoughts and prayers.

Great take on the topic!