The kind eyes I knew changed from blue to blood red. I tried to escape the house. I ran around the dinning room table, but he caught me by an arm. I fell flat on my back, and tried to use the chair between us. But I was no match for his lion like rage. I pedaled the air with my legs, kicking, screaming! "No, NO!!" He threw the chair, got hold of my hair, and dragged me off down the hall.
He put me in the coat closet. I felt every eight-inch nail driving near my throbbing head. I could feel the blood, like gum in my auburn hair. I covered my ears from the pounding until the boards held like bars without a door. Only a faint light came from the keyhole, where dust particles danced in freedom.
Screaming will only make it worse. I should just beg, because if I did, he had a kind heart. He must. I married a man with kind eyes. I never saw the blood in his eyes until now. "Please! Tell me what I've done? Tell me so I can make it better! I love you so much!!"
Silence, so strong I could hear the ticking of our clock on the mantel wall.
His evil eye covers my only light. "You don't keep secrets from me! Sit there for a few days, maybe it teaches you lesson! Don't try to leave, or you die!"
Kill me! I'm his wife, the one he slept with every night, and in love I thought, as newlyweds. Secrets. I tell him everything. I even tell him when I go to the bathroom. But what is it? NO. He must not have found the note I left, that told him I would be shopping! What? I didn't tell him where I went shopping? This can't be real. Does it all come to this?
The pounding starts again, until each nail is driven thru my heart like a stake. The whole closet shakes with the force of each blow. I crawl in to an embryo, and cover myself in coats, using a fur-lined one for a pillow. Finally, he covers the keyhole. No light.
I always told mom I would have my own house, and make a prayer closet just like hers. I cried until I felt my stomach boiling in acid. The child in me cried out for my parent's home. "What have I done? What have I done?" I bent over to my knees, and heard the door slam outside.
"Oh Lord make him take his anger away and bury it somewhere, so I can be free. I need you're love. I need you're presence. Fill me with you're Holy Spirit. Set me free in your own way."
Suddenly, I feel a liquid warmth rise to my soul. I sense that I am in God's cocoon, and not a prison closet. A voice stirs inside me that I remember as a kid. It drowns out the mantel clock ticking in my head. I feel this rush, like wind blowing against the walls of my heart, waves of God's love cleaning the wounds of my soul. I begin to shake in spasms of peace. "Yes Lord, You are my first love. You are my light and my salvation!"
This liquid warmth made my heart feel as in a sea of his glory! I fell asleep, and soon lost track of the hours... or was it days? Hunger carved my stomach, but God's warmth sustained me.
I wake to the sound of boards breaking! Light passing thru the closet showers me. Could it be him? No, not the man I thought I loved more than life. Not the animal that put me here! A moment of fear washed over me, until I heard the sound of a tender voice.
"Pooker. Pooker. You in there?"
Is it true? I hear my father's voice calling me! It is my pet name, when my father and I would play peek-a-boo. "Daddy!"
The door hinges cry, opening in relief. But I hold my corner like a nervous raccoon pawing my face. "Dad?"
"My baby! My baby! Oh my baby!"
His lovely arms, the color maple and strong as oak, take me to his warmth. I clung to his starched shirt, softening it with my tears, and keeping my head to his warm chest, until we walked out in to the deepest blue sky God ever made.
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