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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Blue (10/08/09)

TITLE: SO Over You
By Marijo Phelps
10/08/09


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You called me back
To be with you
Then left with her
In my car too

You said I was
Your only one
Then fled with her,
Three days of ďfunĒ

In my friendís car
She and I left too
Went to a wedding
You made me blue

You got mad,
At her you said
Grabbed her neck
Till sheís almost dead

Drunk and drunker
You two were there
Was this my life
Did anyone care?

You went to my place
Caught in despair
Turned on the gas,
Me, to find you there

Then you woke up
A headache grand
Not dead yet
Just a sorrowful man

Me, driving still
Several days went by
Clearing my head
Thinking, a sigh

This soap box opera
My life couldnít be
Iím not like this
It really wasnít me

How could this be
Love you say
Destructionís more like it
Each and every day

You made me blue
You made me cry
And I sat here
And wondered why

Things didnít make sense
Way back then
I hadnít a real life
But I had one friend

She helped me sort
She helped me think
She helped me walk
And not to blink

I didnít know
The Lord back then
But I thank Him now
For that faithful friend


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This article has been read 496 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laura Manley10/15/09
I like this zippy little poem and its storyline; however, when you write poetry, you must be careful of the syllable count in each line. Your rhythm was off in that regard. Also, if you will look back at the poem, sometimes in the same stanza, you are in one tense and then jump to another. You have the makings of a really fun, concrete poem; you just need to look at it closely in some of the areas I have mentioned.
Marie Fink10/15/09
You've written a clever poem. It may have worked better in couplets, two lines per stanza; just a punctuation situation.
diana kay10/19/09
thank you. a big story here told in little snippets. quite clever! thanks