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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Red (10/01/09)

TITLE: Shades of Red
By Jacqueline de Klerk
10/07/09


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People are rushing to find that special something for the love in their life. Christmas songs play cheerfully all around me, smothering, forcing me to reach out and embrace the only love I know. Hastily, I lock myself up in one of the shopping centre toilets. My hands shiver, trembling, feeling around for the needle in my bag. My thoughts overwhelm me, wondering why Iím doing this to myself again. Eyes become heavy and impossible to keep open. Iím drifting, further and further away from the cruel world. Crashing, falling into the deep, dark emptiness. Suddenly, it is pure white around me. All that is really visible is a big red Exit Sign. Do I leave this beautiful, clean room or do I enter the world beyond. Who and what is waiting on the other side for me. Death, Fire, Hell? That is what I deserve. I open the door, and fell down on my knees. There in the distant is the most awesome, bright sunset Iíve ever seen. In front of the sunset a cross dripping with blood. ďO Lord Jesus, what have I doneĒ, I cry. My eyes are pulled towards the sky. In the clouds I see a message meant just for me. ďIt is all forgiven, forgotten and paid forĒ The heavy burdens Iíve been carrying for years fell from my shoulders and cracked like glass all around me. ďThank you Jesus! Iíve been removed suddenly out of this breathtaking moment by a man with dark brown eyes. His eyes pierce right through me. He picked me up, loved me, cared for me and took my loneliness away. Iím now searching for that something special for the love in my life. Maybe, some Roses, Strawberries and a marriage proposal.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 10/10/09
Wow, very suspenseful!

I'd urge you to take this and expand it to the full 750 words...add narrative about the storyteller, and expand the character of her rescuer. You've got the skeleton of an excellent story here; it just needs to be fleshed out.