The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
I really enjoyed reading this. I thought that it well written and enjoyed reading it from the perspective from which you presented it.
10/10/09
Creative and unique point of view--well done.

The last paragraph appears to be written from your own POV--perhaps it could be set apart from the story by a set of three asterisks. And I caught a "read" for "red".

For your readers' sake, an extra "enter" between paragraphs would make it more readable, and I'd hate for anyone to pass over this creative story!
10/11/09
I like your unique approach. It made for an interesting story. I am sure this is the way that some of the people felt.