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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Red (10/01/09)

TITLE: Larmes Rouge
By Terry Atchison
10/03/09


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Larmes Rouge

The muffled roar of the shouting crowd, slowly grew in amplitude as he lay there with his eyes shut. Words were not audible, and the noise seemed to be pulsating, louder, softer, with every beat of his heart. The pain was insupportable! His arms, legs, feet, back, and head seemed to be burning like they were on fire. Every breath seemed to be a stabbing, suffocating, labored effort. He had no strength left to even open his eyes.

Kill him! Someone came closer to him, yelling, and throwing a stone, which skipped by his head. Then he felt as though he was being torn into quarters as his body was being moved. He was no longer lying on his back now. There was a jolt, and excruciating pain shot through his whole being. Every nerve in his body seemed to be alive with burning, horrible pain as he stood upright. His eyes remained shut.

The roar of the crowd grew in intensity. Many were cursing him and telling him that he deserved to die. His heart ached for his mother. She must be close by now. He strained to open his eyes, but he was too weak to achieve even that small effort. The crowd was crazy with hate now, laughing and cheering.

He knew that he must see his mother. Each small effort caused the pain to circulate throughout his body, over and over again. Each breath was a horrific, painful experience. Slowly, he finally mustered up the strength to lift his eyelids. Pain exploded in his head as the muscles contracted to open them. As he finally opened them enough to see, she was there, just in front of him. Then, she became a red haze, as the red droplets of blood fell from the crown of thorns, down into his eyes.


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This article has been read 269 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ruth Brown 10/09/09
Realistic depiction of the greatest gift of Love.
Jan Ackerson 10/11/09
Vivid portrayal of Christ's crucifixion.

I'd have liked a translation of the title--I know that "rouge" means "red", but I don't know what "larmes" means.

Very good writing--keep it up!
diana kay10/15/09
woo yes. powerful description and there was that sense "is this peice about Jesus" and you kept up the anticipation to the final line. Great without being too melodramatic. I too want to know what the title means!
Trisha R10/05/11
I also had not thought about Jesus being at "peace" during what must have been the most excruciating pain! And He was not thinking of himself; He was thinking about his mother.

Love google translator, Larmes Rouge, Red Tears!

Beautiful, Terry!