The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/08/09
You have a very nice object lesson in your story. Plus, it was well-written and drew me into the story.
10/08/09
Wow, powerful! Thank you for sharing.
10/09/09
Good story.I hope God has a witness like this at every shelter.Forgiveness and hope are wonderful gifts.
10/10/09
Your story flowed really well and it had such depth to it. Great writing!
10/11/09
Nice story, that would be good as a handout in a women's shelter, with a few edits.

You start out with the main character as "Lannie", but toward the end, she becomes "I". And you occasionally switch from past tense to present and back.

Give it a quick fix, and this is a real gem! I love reading Lannie's inner thoughts.
Excellent description of just how easy it is to be saved and become the Lord's child.
10/13/09
this is good. I like the way you have put the characters thoughts in italics and the story is very well told and engaging. There is some repition such as @big comfortable couches@ that grated a little but that is only a tiny thing. This deserves to be a winner! and I look forward to reading more of your writing.