The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
Aw I really liked this story! =)
09/11/09
LOL...that was so sweet!
09/13/09
This is a sweet story, and SO true... often children think they're ready to do things, and then discover (through experience) that they're not. I really liked how the father handled this realization. I also appreciated the hints about the deep love between the father and mother. Great job!
09/13/09
This is a very good story--outstanding for beginners level. Very good job with showing, not telling, and with characterization. You also did a great job with the setting.

There are a few minor mechanical errors--write out numerals like "three", and the spelling of "papa"...but none of those interfered in the least with your very well-written story.
09/13/09
This is an incredibly well written piece, especially for this level. Fantastic story line, with well developed characters; hard to do with the word count. Exceptional!
09/13/09
So many things I like about this story - and it has it all, too: excitement, adventure, danger, romance... wonderful entry.
This was really very good. I enjoyed the fact that several different things went on all at once- kept the reader engaged to see what happened next. Well done.
09/13/09
Please Mamma, no kissin' and fussin' in front of the men...loved this line Joni! So typical little boyish.
A few minor errors, and might could use a little stronger sentence to start off with.
Really enjoyed the cowboy/ranch theme, right up my alley in reading! :-) Well written to topic as well.
09/14/09
Good use of italics to imply inner thoughts and on the whole your dialogue flowed smoothly.
I wasn't convinced by the line "The way they looked at each other" namely, that a child of this age would understand the look or that he would recognise it as something unusual.
And although I read a good deal about the boy's actions on the prairie, I didn't really feel that I got inside his head.
So there you have three dollops of red ink. But your story really is good and I look forward to seeing how it ranks at the end of the week.
09/14/09
What a great job. I really felt like I was there.
09/16/09
This was a great story. I love your use of italics. It helped seperate what was actually being said from what the mother was only thinking. The story feels so true.
09/17/09
Congratulations for your second place win on your level. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. I was drawn into the story, and felt like I was right there with your MC.
09/17/09
I found this interesting and believable as a "rite of passage" type story--except Kenny wasn't quite ready for that just yet. Hats off to you with your 2nd place ranking with this cute story.
06/21/11
Absolutely lived this realistic story! The dialogue and emotions came through loud and clear!