Hard to believe in another week I will be leaving this prison. Imagine a scab in the wilderness of the Adirondack Mountains, and this is this place. A few days ago it was torture to my soul, when in the courtyard, some of us saw an eagle pass over the guard towers.
Soon I will hear the clank of the metal doors, and down the road will hear the freedom of a tea colored creek striking smooth black stones. Soon I will see the mountains in a splash of purple and red, and can dance on a bed of fallen leaves. I could walk a hundred yards off a winding road and be lost in freedom forever! But I need you're release. I need to see you and Josh. I need to know that I have not lost the love of my children. I would trade my freedom for your love.
I took your mom's life, on a drug run, ending in a crash. She wanted to change me, but I turned her in to a drug addict. I ruined you're lives. Could you ever forgive me? My hand is trembling to ask you this, but would you meet me at the family cabin by Alder Creek?
I bet you look just like your mother did, soft blue eyes, and auburn hair. Does Josh still have blonde hair, or have the years made it sandy brown? I got older on the outside, but became a new man on the inside.
There was this little hunched over black preacher who would come visit me. He never gave up. I would tell him constantly I was railroaded, and not to bother with an innocent man. But he wouldn't give up. He kept on. Finally one day he stood up and pointed his coiled finger at me. "Everyone says they are innocent, but that doesn't matter. I tell you the truth you are guilty of rejecting Jesus. Why, he stands at the door of your rotten heart, but you walk over his blood and spit on him!"
It felt like a thousand volts of electricity had me. I fell to the ground and wept like a baby, begging God to save me. It didn't matter that visiting families looked on, and the guards came running for me.
Years ago your mom said she would not marry me unless I was born again. I told her I wasn't ready, and we had a big fight over it. Later your mom found out that she was pregnant with you. It changed everything.
I will catch a ride through the mountains hoping to have your letter in my hand pressed to my heart. I will want to stick my head out the window until I can taste freedom.
I could never stop loving you. If I get there first I will warm the cabin, and wait for you on the logging road. Be ready for me, because when I see you, I will run toward you with open arms.
Do not fear that I don't understand what has happened to you. We were raised in Christian home. When hard bitter tears would stain my bedside, they would urge me to pray for you. They told me to pray that God would send a messenger in prison, to tell you of the Lord's grace. It will be a proud day! It would fill mom with joy, if she could look down from the gates of heaven. Josh has taken it the hardest, but he will come around.
This is my favorite time of year, filled with the fondest memories when we used to gather up all the leaves in the back yard. Do you remember when we made a big pile and buried you in it, until you came out, and chased us like a tree monster? When you caught us, we choked on tears of laughter. Mom opened the slider to see what was wrong. You would pick us up, and tickle us with the stubble of your beard until we nearly burst at the seams.
I will be sure to bring Josh. When the moment is right I will leave you two alone down by the bridge where you first taught him how to fish with a fly rod.
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