The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/28/09
Wow...what an emotional scene! I like how you used dialogue throughout it. I suggest that you don't try to use big words, but just simple easy words that people speak everyday.
Keep writing.
09/02/09
There's certainly a lot of interaction here. It will help you as a writer to ask someone else to proof read your work before you submit it. That way you can catch a lot of mistakes in good time.
As a general rule FaithWriters is meant to be family friendly. There's quite a lot of swearing in your story and such expletives aren't appropriate.