The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/24/09
You definitely captured Jaden's enthusiasm, and I enjoyed "chasing after him" as he got ready and had breakfast.

There are a couple times you switched point of view in the story (sometimes you told it from Jaden's perceptions, and sometimes from his dad's). It's generally better to stick with one person's viewpoint.

I like how you slipped the lesson in too - very nice.
08/26/09
Article reveals the simple pleasures life offers through the eyes of a child! Spiritual truths ring out!