The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 960 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
You described it so beautifully I stepped right into Maman's world with you. I wondered what the gift was and I'm glad it was her affirmation of faith. Wonderful writing and a terrific story!
08/20/09
That was beautiful. Perhaps I am a cry baby, but this made me cry. Wonderfully done!
08/21/09
Excellent effort at this level. You gave me insight into both your MC and her relationship with with Maman. Good sense of place as well. Great choice of title - it caught my attention and I was not dissapointed. yeggy
08/24/09
That is a wonderfully crafted story. Thank you for dropping me into the middle of it; it was pure joy.

The only "negative" thing I can say is that winter wasn't an integral part of the story.
08/29/09
Congratulations. Well told story. I enjoyed it very much. There is such a demand for stories that involve other cultures. Everyone enjoys reading them in the hopes of learning something new.

As far as improvement goes,
You could try giving concrete descriptions rather than generic ones. Look for Words like beautiful, ornate, peaceful, exotic etc.
eg intoxicating smells of exotic flowers
What exactly do they smell like/look like? Rose? Sandalwood? Orange? Zest?
Generic descriptions do not make the reader think. Specific descriptions are what breaths life into a story.

Anyway, hope I've helped. Look forward to reading more of your work.